Ashes of Keterburg
by DisappearingMuse
Summary: Nebilim's death had a bigger impact on Jade and Saphir than either of them realized. One-shot.


Saphir couldn't believe this was happening.

His legs gave out and he fell against a bookshelf, scraping his arm. The pain barely registered, smothered by fear. Everything was red- the blood now running down his hand...Jade's eyes, filled with panic for the first time...the fire consuming everything, clinging to Nebilim's body. What if they all died here?

The bed creaked as Saphir lurched out of his dream, and the world turned from red to black. The darkness seemed to be crushing him, driving home the memory of the incident two days ago. When he couldn't stand it anymore, he flicked on the bedside lamp and pulled out a books. Where the words once captivated him, now he could only focus on his spinning thoughts.

If only Jade were here. No matter how many insults the boy threw around, Saphir still saw him as an object of comfort, someone who needed him if only to build fon machines. They hadn't spoken since the incident. For a while he had been afraid of Jade, but now that seemed unfair. He wanted to let his friend know that Nebilim's death wasn't his fault. The unsaid words were burning a hole in him, and he felt like he had to do something to feel less alone.

He waited until pale morning light crept through the windows, then he slipped out the front door. It was the first time he had done so without his parents' permission, but he was too afraid they would stop him if they figured out where he was going. Before, he would never have done it. Jade must be rubbing off on him.

Keterburg was calm and still. A frigid breeze coasted around while sunlight dappled the rooftops and reflected off the snow.

Where the schoolhouse had once been was a pile of wood. Beside it were several houses that Nebilim's monstrous replica had ravaged. The sight filled Saphir with the hollow ache of how much he missed her. Ignoring the snowflakes he used to love to catch on his tongue, he weaved through the houses until he reached Jade's. He sneaked around the back and tapped on the window. Seconds passed. His hands shook from more than the cold. Finally there was a rustle of movement and the curtains disappeared.

With a cross expression, Jade opened the window. "What do you want?" His voice lacked the innocent excitement of a normal child.

The harsh answer disappointed Saphir, and he scolded himself. What had he been expecting, an invite to come in and drink hot chocolate? "Um, I just wanted to see you."

"Well, now you've seen me." Jade shut the window.

"Wait!" said Saphir. Too late. His friend was gone.

He kept tapping on the window. It must have been minutes later that Jade returned, looking twice as annoyed. _"What?" _

"Are you not allowed to see me?" asked Saphir.

"You're here now, so it doesn't matter."

"Jade..."

"I'm allowed. My parents just don't want me burning down any other houses." The only emotion in his voice was bitterness.

Surely he felt something. Nebilim was the only person he had listened to- at least, until the last day when he tried to use the Seventh Fonon and killed her.

"It wasn't your fault," said Saphir.

"Of course it was," said Jade. "'One should take responsibility for their actions,' remember?" He even said that a bit mockingly, but something told Saphir that deep down he believed the words. After all, Nebilim said them long ago.

"But it was an accident," Saphir said. "You tried to save her."

The world stood still. His eyes fixed on Jade's room. The walls were plain white, the desks in it devoid of decoration.

"I don't know why you stick around me," said Jade.

Saphir leaned back. That was the first time his friend had said anything self-deprecating. "Because you're my friend."

"I don't see the point in friends."

Saphir wanted to say that at first, he hadn't seen the point in friends either. He was a loner, relying on schoolwork and his own research to occupy him. Then, through talking to Jade, he met Jasper and Peony, who were good company when they weren't teasing him.

But Jade wouldn't listen to anything he had to say. The boy was already lost in thought, like he usually was when Saphir tried to talk about anything other than their experiments.

"Jade-"

"Just go away, will you?"

Anger coursed through Saphir. He stared at the ground, hearing the ghosts of a million times that he had been too afraid to challenge his friend. A million times he had gone beyond useful and became a puppet.

This wouldn't be another of those times.

"I know you cared about Nebilim the most." He had no strength to yell the words, so his voice sounded pathetic, but he didn't care. "Now _I'm_ the person you care about the most. I walked all the way over here just to see you. It's...you can't treat me like this!" Tears crawled down his cheeks, nearly turning to ice on his skin. The words were terrible, and as soon as they were out, he wanted to apologize to Nebilim for them.

Jade looked mildly frustrated, like an adult watching a child throw a tantrum. "You're not that person, Saphir."

"Then who is?"

"No one," Jade said. "No one ever was."

That was a lie. It had been Nebilim. She was the only one with the guts to correct him, and in a strange way, that was probably why he had respected her.

Saphir decided to test him. It probably wouldn't work, but most of his ideas didn't.

"What if I wasn't your friend, then? What if I stopped building your fon machines?" He was terrified of the answer. He probably didn't look menacing at all, still crying and wiping his nose on his sleeve.

"That wouldn't happen. You would just come back."

Saphir stared at the ground. Maybe Jade was right. In a few days, he wouldn't be able to stand not having friends anymore and would return to their circle.

But people weren't replaceable things. He should know that now. He shouldn't let them go so easily.

"I'm going to her funeral," he said. It hurt to talk about, but he needed something to fill the silence.

"What's the point of a funeral?" said Jade. "It's only people who didn't even know her going on and on about her."

Saphir looked down, all of his arguing energy spent.

"Had I succeeded in reviving her, there wouldn't be a funeral."

His head jerked up. "Are you going to try again?" An illogical part of him wanted that, would give anything to see Nebilim smile again.

"No," said Jade.

Nebilim had taught him something. Although he may never understand love and never completely understand death, now he knew when to stop. In an awful way, Saphir was jealous. He could never make such a huge change in his friend's life. Jade was his everything, and he was Jade's nothing.

A tiny notion was taking root within him. Something that would solve everything.

_Someday I'll impress you, _he thought. _Someday I'll bring Professor Nebilim back, and then she'll be proud of me too._

_When I'm brave enough. When I'm strong enough. You'll see._

"Maybe that's better," he lied. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Jade shut the window.


End file.
